Frustrated That Coping Strategies Aren’t Working? Shift Your Mindset and Try These Tools

Therapy can bring up intense feelings, and sometimes your body feels it too, like a racing heart or restlessness that keeps you up at night. When you try coping strategies and they don’t seem to work, it’s easy to feel frustrated, wondering if you’re doing something wrong or if they’re just not for you. But here’s the thing: it’s not just about the strategies, it’s also about your mindset. If you’re approaching those anxious or restless moments with the thought, “I need to get rid of this,” you’re fighting against yourself, which can make things feel harder. Instead, try shifting to a gentler question: “How can I get my body to feel okay?” This small change opens the door to curiosity and self-compassion, helping you work with your body instead of against it.

Why do coping strategies sometimes fall flat? It’s often about practice and fit. Think of them like learning to cook. Reading a recipe won’t make you a chef, you need to get in the kitchen, chop some veggies, maybe mess up a dish, and keep practicing until it feels natural. Coping strategies are the same: trying them only when you’re overwhelmed is like cooking in a storm. Practice them when you’re calm to build the habit, so they’re ready when you need them. And if a strategy doesn’t click, that’s okay, it might not be the right fit for you. Talk to your therapist to find what works.

Below are five lesser-known, science-backed strategies to help calm physical anxiety symptoms, like a racing heart or muscle tension, and ease restlessness, especially at night. They’re discreet, so you can use them anywhere, from a flight to your bedroom. Start practicing them now, even just a minute a day, and you’ll be better equipped for tough moments. If one doesn’t feel right, share that with your therapist to tweak it.

1. Cold Water Sip and Hold

When your heart’s pounding or you’re feeling jittery, take a slow sip of cold water, hold it in your mouth for 5 seconds, then swallow slowly. Repeat for 1 to 2 minutes.

• Why It Works: Cold water stimulates the vagus nerve, which slows your heart rate and activates your body’s calming system. Studies show this reduces stress hormones like cortisol, easing physical anxiety symptoms quickly.

• Helps With: Racing heart, shaky hands, or nighttime anxiety that keeps you awake.

• Try This: Keep a water bottle nearby, especially by your bed or in your bag. Sip slowly when you feel your body revving up. It’s perfect for public settings like a flight since it’s just drinking water.

  
  

2. Tongue-to-Palate Press

If you’re feeling restless or tense, press your tongue firmly against the roof of your mouth for 10 seconds, release, and repeat 5 times. Focus on the pressure and release.

• Why It Works: This engages facial muscles tied to the parasympathetic system, which calms physical tension. Research on somatic techniques shows it reduces muscle tightness and signals the brain to relax, helping with jitteriness.

• Helps With: Muscle tension, restlessness at night, or anxiety in social settings.

• Try This: Do this discreetly anywhere, like on a flight or in bed. Pair it with slow exhales to boost the calming effect.

3. Fractal Gazing

When anxiety makes you feel wired, look for repeating patterns around you, like tiles on a floor, a patterned shirt, or a photo of leaves on your phone. Trace the shapes with your eyes for 2 to 3 minutes.

• Why It Works: Fractals, or repeating patterns, soothe the brain, reducing stress by up to 60%, according to environmental psychology studies. They calm the amygdala, your brain’s fear center, easing physical anxiety symptoms.

• Helps With: Restlessness, nighttime overthinking, or a racing pulse in public.

• Try This: Find patterns in your surroundings, like a seat fabric on a flight or a phone wallpaper. Use it in a coffee shop or before bed to settle your body.

4. Third-Person Self-Talk

When your body’s buzzing with anxiety, talk to yourself by name in your head, like “Alex, you’re feeling tense, but you’re okay.” Repeat for 1 to 2 minutes.

• Why It Works: Called illeism, this creates mental distance from physical stress. Psychology research shows it boosts self-control and lowers heart rate by activating brain areas for emotional regulation.

• Helps With: Racing thoughts, physical agitation, or nighttime worry spirals.

• Try This: Practice saying one calming phrase by name daily, like “Alex is safe right now,” when you feel wound up. Great for quiet moments on a flight or at home.

  
  

5. Hand-on-Heart Anchor

If you’re restless or your chest feels tight, place one hand on your heart and the other on your stomach. Press gently and focus on the warmth of your hands for 1 to 2 minutes.

• Why It Works: Gentle touch stimulates oxytocin release, a calming hormone, and engages the parasympathetic system. Studies on self-soothing touch show it lowers heart rate and reduces physical tension, mimicking a reassuring gesture.

• Helps With: Chest tightness, nighttime restlessness, or anxiety in crowded places.

• Try This: Do this under a table in public or while lying in bed. Focus on the warmth and gentle pressure to feel grounded.

Tips for Making These Work

• Start Small: Pick one strategy and try it for a few minutes daily to build familiarity.

• Track It: Jot down what works best in a journal or phone note to share with your therapist.

• Stay Connected: If you’re struggling, reach out to your therapist or a trusted person. You have support.

For immediate help, call 988 (U.S. Crisis Line) or your local crisis number.